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During the first day of the June 2008 TDG LLF Session at Keller Graduate School of Management one of the attendees covered the Daniel Goleman's Working With Emotional Intelligence.  As always with LLF sessions the day seemed to weave together around this recurring theme of the human element.

The day finished with a 2 hour session by Michael Thompson Executive Coach from Interlude Coaching who discussed his work with companies and emotional intelligence.  I have been fascinated by this topic for a long time because quite honestly I don't understand how it took us so long to get here.  Following his talk I had a very engaging conversation with Michael and one of the things he mentioned about what took so long is the impact of Six Sigma on modern business.

Humans are inevitably emotional creatures and few cultures really engrain people to hide their emotion.  This is especially true in the United States where emotion spills into daily work on a regular basis.  Whether it's the passion behind an idea or initiative or someone who's suffered some life change or tragedy (major or minor) we all bring a lot with us to work each day.  This makes it especially difficult for the leader to traverse the jungle of feelings and figure out how to really reach people the way they should be reached and at times when it is appropriate.

I make joking comments to my boss at times about discussing our feelings.  While some of it is in jest there is real value to being able to read what is really happening when you're talking to people.  This is especially critical when it's time to sell new ideas or to build consensus around something that is important to the business.

Michael's talk was filled with real examples of dealing with these issues from consoling executives who were in tears at their desk to selling emotional intelligence to people who think it is a fraud (by far the best example of how he used EI on someone who was completely sold against it!).  When was the last time you tried to sell something at your work to someone who thought it was a total crock?  Not an easy sell, especially for those of us in IT.

How do we apply this?

Start with yourself.  One of the lessons I am learning is that more often than not it is the leader who needs to make an internal change or do a gut check before focusing on something external.  How aware of your own moods and feelings are you?  Would you openly tell a coworker or subordinate "Hey, I have something else that is really on my mind and I can't give you the attention you need, can we talk later?"

Want to build some real trust?  Become vulnerable to your team, admit you wrote a poem*, and let them know you are a person too.  Unless your team is filled with bullies they will appreciate knowing you have the same problems they do like leaky basements or a struggles with disciplining your kids.  You'll become a person to them and not just their team leader or boss.

Are you aware of your coworkers or subordinates challenges or issues?  Are you aware of how it affects them?  Is there something outside of work that is affecting them?  I wouldn't advocate being a gossip or getting into the details of the person's life (unless they openly share it with you) but it doesn't hurt to know if something is pushing from outside the four walls of the office.

A key lesson I have also learned lately is to appreciate people, not just the work they do.  This was a great talking point between myself and a few of the other attendees.  I recently had an experience where I was an interviewer.  During one of the interview when asked about their leadership style a candidate said they would tell people their work is appreciated.  The statement is very good but it does not go far enough.  We need to appreciate people for who they are and what they bring to the business.  I can tell you from experience, that distinction will motivate people far more than the "atta boys" we often give out for good work.  When people are appreciated they will do good work.  Atta boys sill apply, just make it a little deeper than "good job with that client, thanks for hard work!" instead try "Thanks for the passion you put into your work.  You add value to our business for the clients and we appreciate you for it!"  So you had to type an extra sentence.  You just bought some real capital with the person who gets that note.

Someone is still thinking, "Sure, but all of this is still that 'mushy' stuff that should be saved for the soap opera's on TV".  I agree, it is mushy**.  But what we're really doing here is acknowledging the fact that we are human and the people we work with are human.  They are not "resources" or some emotionless worker bee.  Everyone of those people we delegate to or work beside has their own life with their own problems.  Not all of their problems are work related.  Attention bosses: work is not the most important problem people have!

Once we get that on the table and everyone is aware of it then we can start to get real work done.

On that note, I'm going to actually read the book now.  I admitted to the reviewer that I did not, but her materials plus the excellent session by Michael has pushed that book into the foreground. 

(For those of you not familiar with the LLF program, a key piece is the reading list assigned for each session.  Sessions are generally a month apart and usually have 5 or 6 assigned books.  This forces most to be very selective on what they read or to do a lot of skimming; a skill I am still working on)

*Several of us wrote impromptu poems during this LLF session.

**Mushy stuff is originally coined by Bart one of the current LLF participants.  It caught on enough that our facilitator used it through the end of the day.

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